LITTLE HEART.
Lately, my heart has been wandering around outside my body.
A few Wednesdays ago, I walked Indy into her first grade classroom. I watched her disappear into the cluster of new kids and it suddenly occurred to me that she knew no one. My heart was in my mouth. It was: new school, new teacher, new friends, new chapter.
And then a few days after that, she lost her second tooth. It was the bottom middle one, and when it came out, I held it in my hand before I found a safe place to keep it. The tiny tooth seemed even smaller in my palm than it had looked in her mouth. She left it under the pillow for the fairy to find, and she fell asleep, dreaming dreams about miniature winged creatures that fly into bedrooms through windows.
The next morning she woke up and read me a Dr. Seuss book, and we were half-way through the story before I realized that she was actually sounding out the words and reading.
All of these moments are like mini tidal waves in my heart and most days I ride the wave. I stand up and cheer for her when she comes home from school with stories of new friends; I clap for her when her tooth falls out and we celebrate the empty gap.
But sometimes, I want the wave to stop because it’s going too fast and the minutes are slipping. I want to make time move in slow motion so I don’t miss anything. I want to hold onto this: her voice telling me secrets; her hand in mine; her sleep full of sighs; her eyes when she first wakes up. I want to remember it all.
But I am aware that her little heart is growing bigger everyday.
And I am also quietly realizing that my heart actually left my body on the day that she came into this world and I now I know that it will probably never find its way back inside.
*this heart was made by the amazing David Olson. If you want him to make you a corazoncito, contact him at theolsoncircus@comcast.net
❤
um, i’d write something sweet but i can’t see the screen through my tears. sigh. way to put it into words, mama.
Wonderful post and pictures. But let me warn you, it doesn’t stop – even after 34 years. You will want all those times back, because there is no bad or favorite age. They are all precious gifts. Bill Beery
so sweet. love this shelby. Indy is precious. xoxo
My Heart is with you Shelby….xoxo
So touching. Hearts all around.
oh. i don’t have words. you just spoke them for me. love love love so much.
little indy with a growing heart, i cannot wait to snuggle you soon! tell your mama she is amazing. xo
beautiful.
love love love.
This is so precious, thank you for sharing. I am starting to see how the time really does fly.
I am so touched by your story of Indy and her going to first grade. Your words are so profound.When Damian started kindergarten I still had Nathan at home. But,when it came time for Nathan to start kindergarten I was happy for him but,missed our whole days together. The rhythms of the hours changed.I didn’t let him see me cry when I dropped him off to places unknown.Then along came Alice. We had 5 years together before she too grew her wings and attended kindergarten..I must admit I was even more emotional this time because she was the last one of my treasured and loved children. I feel so very blessed to have my children and I am ever so proud of them.
so so beautifully stated shelby. you are an amazing mama and indy is one incredible kid. love you both!
I read this so far from home and all I want to do is hold all of you. My heart is bursting with love.
Your post is touching from the first line to the last. You should write a short story or poem about your daughter. She seems like beautiful inspiration.
thank you so much for your kind words–a short story is a great idea:)